nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize