can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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