I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
