Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
