Barsexuality is the new black.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
