im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
