i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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