Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
