dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
