My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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