guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
