I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
jump out the window naked night went bad
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