I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
