Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize