I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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