mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm getting married
To pizza
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
