Sponge bath it is.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
