Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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