Did you just see the Batmobile???
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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