I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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