Your face is a jimmy john
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
