I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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