i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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