I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
