My nipple is on Facebook.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
