I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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