I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
