At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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