the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
