k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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