My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize