apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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