you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize