Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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