You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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