Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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