hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
