i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
