I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
