So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
