Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
