He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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