there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
