She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
