I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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