He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
