My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Randomize
