I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
