After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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