I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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