just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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