imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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