how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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