so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize