im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
