Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
