I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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