I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
