Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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