For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
